Can't sleep

Well I am up, but I am not at the gym or on my way there like I usually would be. I am sitting her in Summer's hospital room hoping I don't wake her with my typing. Last night I made the mistake of telling her they were going to do surgery and therefore cut her open and take out what is making her sick. Well, she seemed to take it pretty well. We cuddled and got ready for bed. An hour or so later, she wakes up saying, "It might hurt when they cut me open." Crap. Me and my big mouth. Why did I tell my two year old they were going to cut her open? Must be the big mouth. I reassured her that it wouldn't hurt because she would be asleep, but I don't think she believed me. She and her daddy will have the same scar because they both have the same defective kidney. I really hope and pray she does not have the same cancer type though. They don't think it is likely since most kids who have kidney cancer have Wilms tumor, but what are the odds that she and Clint both get kidney cancer???? Like a trillion in one or something. There are only about 500 cases of this Wilms tumor a year in the US so it is not very common at all.

We had debated taking her somewhere else for the surgery, but I am glad we decided to stay here. I sure as heck don't feel like traveling right now. I think the surgery will be around noon today, but it all depends on when the surgeon finishes her other cases. It doesn't really matter when they do it to me, just as long as my little girl comes out alive and well to see another day.

I still am in shock. I feel like I haven't cried enough, but I am trying to be strong because I know she picks up on everything. She is just too darned smart for her own good.

We had a little midnight snack last night. When she woke up talking about the cutting her open hurting, I decided to divert her attention elsewhere. I asked her if she wanted to take a walk down the hall with me and she happily agreed to go. With me pulling her IV cart, she led the way. We stopped in the parent's kitchen so I could get some ice and water and then headed back to the room. Then I asked her if she wanted a chocolate snack pack pudding and, of course, she did. "It's my favorite," she said. Thanks Buddy and Mo!!!! I asked them to bring some up because I didn't have any at home and I knew that would brighten her day because she doesn't eat them much so they are a real treat for her. My friend Laurie also brought her a chocolate chip cookie from Subway when she came to visit which Summer quickly devoured. Thanks Laurie! I really do have awesome friends.

Summer is really doing good with the IV. At first she didn't like it at all. I wasn't even here when they put it in because I ran home to get some things for our stay. I kind of regret not being here, but I am here now and that is what counts. When they changed out the big "adult" tubing for some smaller tubing, she freaked out. But, since then she has not really complained about her arm hurting. Unfortunately, they put the IV port right in her left elbow crease which is the arm that she uses for thumb sucking. The IV monitor has been going off all night and it is usually because she has her thumb in her mouth causing pressure to build up at the site. Luckily, I have a little experience with the IV beeping (from Clint's two surgeries) so I can pretty much fix it without calling the nurse to help.

I have already had a shower today so I am smelling pretty good right now. :) I know you were just dying to here that, right? I packed some of my Victoria Secret lotion - Romantic Wish - and it is really some smell good stuff!

Well, I guess that is about it for now. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I do appreciate them all. I'll try to post again tonight after Summer is fast asleep. She doesn't appreciate my blogging like the rest of the world, but maybe one day she will when she can look back and watch herself grow up through my words.