Direction

We went to talk with Dr. Bhakta today. He is one of the three drs. that work at the oncology clinic we go to. He wrote a paper 10 years ago with other drs. about treatment for the tumor Summer has. They still use the same protocol they did 10 years ago which is a little scary to me. However, this regimen has had some success in treating and curing this type of cancer. Summer will have 8 cycles of chemo and radiation too. We are not sure exactly how many radiation treatments will be given, and I don't think, at least at this point, more is better. There is still some debate going on in regards to this part of the treatment. They do want to start chemo on Thursday so we will go to the clinic in morning and then be admitted to the hospital for a few days. Radiation will probably start before the end of the month.

I am quite nervous about starting treatment. The doctor went over all of the side effects today. Hair loss, nausea, vomiting, low blood counts and many other "possible" effects. The main thing I am really worried about right now is getting Summer hooked up to "tubies" via her port. I am not looking forward to the accessing of it one bit. I have never seen it be accessed, but I know she is awake when they do it and there is more than likely a needle that is stuck into it --ALL OF WHICH SHE SEES! I see some major squirming going on on Thursday morning. If only there was a way I could be completely prepared for that moment.

Summer knows her hair is going to fall out. I mentioned it again in the shower today and she just made a funny comment about it being like Memaw. ??? I think her daddy might be having the hardest time with this part. I know it will be hard for me too when I see her for the first time with no hair, but I think I am stronger than Clint is. There is just something about being a mom that makes you stronger than you ever imagined you could be. There is no time for weakness!!! Life still goes on and you have to move along with it. You can't just stand by and watch it walk right past you. You have to be the one to help the others through it who are too weak to do it alone. You are the framework for the family. If you fall apart, what else can the rest of the family do but follow in your footsteps?

Tomorrow we are blowing off a follow-up appointment with the surgeon. I figure one last day of fun before the torture is the least of what we deserve. I may call in the morning to cancel, but only if I remember first thing. We have another play date set up with a few good friends of both mine and Summer's. It is supposed to be a beautiful day. One I do not want to waste on a trip to the doctor where I will probably wait an hour to go back just so they can say everything looks good and that they want to see Summer again in six weeks. I'll pass. I know Summer won't fight me on it either.

The first time we went to the doctor, she was excited to go. Even the second time she was still happy to be there. Now, she does not even want to go one little bit. Suck, suck, suck. I know it will get easier with time. At least I hope it will. Won't it???? It will have to or else the next 8 months is going to be complete and utter misery. I won't let it be though. I will be her light now as she is mine. I will make her days brighter just as she has done mine for the past 3 years. God please give me the strength I need to do this.

Of course, I'll also take any ideas my readers might have as to fun things I can try. Anybody got any suggestions for kid friendly crafts or projects we could do to pass time in hospital? I guess I could always just google it, but tonight I'm going to crawl up in front of the TV with my hubby. We've got the night off.