Results in and the news isn't great...

Well, the trip to the doctor's office did not provide all the results we were wanting. We found out that she does NOT have Wilms tumor, but rather clear cell sarcoma. So, it is worse than we initially thought. Here were his exact words: "It is worse than the good Wilms tumor, but not as bad as the bad Wilms tumor." Whatever that means. It does mean she will have a more severe dose of chemo which will be administered in-patient every third week and out-patient on the in between weeks. We have a whole schedule which lasts 25 weeks. So long summer vacation of my dreams. Welcome nightmare I never wanted to have.

Clint just had to ask the doctor what he called a "frivolous" question. Will she lose her hair? The answer is yes, about 2 or 3 weeks after we start chemo which should be next week. Anyone got any cute hats? Better yet, do you think I can get her to wear them? :) My dad was just telling me this morning how he bets Summer's hair will be bleached out by the sun this summer. I guess we'll just have to settle for tanned skin.

We still don't know the stage. They are doing a MRI and bone scan on Friday to see if it is in her brain or bones. If so, then it is stage 4. If not, probably stage 2. I don't know what stage 3 is. They did an EKG today to make sure her heart can stand the chemo (which is really hard on and often damages the heart). So far it is fine, but the heart Dr. scared me by telling me how her heart can be damaged and stop pumping right. As if I hadn't gotten enough bad news today already.

She completely freaked out when we were at the doctors office again today. She just does not believe that they are not going to hurt her. We had a little talk after we got home about how she is going to have to start being a good girl and doing what they tell her to. I told her I will not let them hurt her and if they do, I will hurt them. So, she shouldn't be scared of them. They are just trying to help her get better. We will see on Friday if this little pep talk did any good. I told her we are going to be going there a lot so hopefully she will get used to it.

Needless to say, I am going a little crazy right now. I still don't have all the answers. Never will though. I am even more scared than I was before, but I know I have to put on a brave face for my little girl. She does not need to know how scared and upset I am. So, I am going to focus on trying to be positive and providing her with fun-filled days as much as possible. I am glad we will get to go to her classes this week. Next week we will be in the hospital from Tues. to Fri. (more than likely--unless the news gets worse).

They say everything happens for a reason. Just wish I knew exactly what that reason was. Don't we all???