Lost in the dark

Right now I feel so lost. I just don't know what to do. I talked to some family and friends and it seems like we should take Summer to St. Jude for a second opinion and possibly treatment. I am sure they have dealt with patients like Summer before, but I'm not sure they have here. There are only about 40 cases a year of the type of cancer she has. Clint called his dr. last night to get his advice. His doctor informed him that this is the same type of cancer he had, only in kids. We never knew (or thought to ask) the exact type of cancer Clint had. To us it was renal cell carcinoma and it was bad. Last night the dr. told Clint that this is what he had - clear cell. I am so confused right now because Clint's cancer is not treatable with chemo and radiation. They do have some experimental drugs they can give him that might shrink it, but don't ever make it really go away. Luckily, he has not needed them. His last scan was clear. He has another one next month. So, getting back to Summer, I don't know why they would treat her with things that won't work anyway and may damage her little body. They say it is different with kids, and I don't really know what that means. Does it mean they just want to try to prolong her life more than an adults? Or are the cells really different in kids? Do they know what they are doing? What do I do? What's best for her?

First thing I need to do today is call St. Jude. They are in Memphis so that is an hour behind us. So, they might not open until 9:00 my time. I am considering getting Clint to take Summer to Playgym, but I really don't want to miss it either. I will try to call at 8:00 and see if by some miracle I can talk to someone and get the ball rolling.

On the plus side, she should have lots of fun at Playgym. We have a couple of outfits picked out for the pictures. Not sure what we will end up going with yet. I still haven't figured out what I am wearing, but I wish it was going to be a warmer day. I was wanting more of a spring look since these will be our Easter pics. I have never been to this place before for pics (which probably means it is expensive LOL), but I have heard great things about their pictures. I hope we are all smiles today and I know a lot of that will depend on my mood. Let's pray I'm happy!

I wish I could let go of all the stress I feel, but then I might not get anything done. It is hard for me to just sit back and relax especially at a time like this. Maybe if I could have a glass of wine, it would be easier. :) But, it is probably a good thing I am going to be in this competition because I am definitely not drowning my sorrows in alcohol right now like I could be.

I better get on the St. Jude site and see what I need to do. Once I get this off my back, the fun can begin!!!