Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A bright ending to a rainy day

That's what I'm hoping for. Summer does not feel well. She doesn't want to talk. It seems like she is retreating and I don't know what to do. I am trying to just take a step back and "chill." So far, I'm probably not doing a very good job. We are both having a hard time dealing with this.

She feels sick. Her tummy hurts. Her mouth hurts. Her lips looked chapped. She gets nauseous when she looks at food. She won't eat. She won't drink. She has this congested sounding cough (since we got home a couple hours ago). Her hair is gone and what a mess that was. I CANNOT imagine what is going through her mind right now. Add to that, she won't talk. Not much anyway.

Clint brought Summer some dried strawberries from his cereal this morning and she wouldn't eat them. She tried, but when it hit her lips, she put it back in the bag. She also tried them again when we got home, but ended up telling me she would save them for later. Later just never seems to come. She has been saying that about everything. :( I have been trying to coax her into eating a cracker thinking that it won't make her nauseous. But, so far she hasn't tried one. She doesn't know that mommy knows best. LOL I made us a plate of saltine crackers, Ritz crackers, and Goldfish - some with peanut butter, some without. She looked at the plate a long time. I could see her holding back the urge to gag, trying to find something she could put in her mouth. Then she took her finger and ran it across the edge of a peanut butter cracker for a little taste. She thought about it for a minute and then picked the cracker up trying to scoop the peanut butter off with her finger. She seemed to like it, but did not want the spoonful of peanut butter I offered to go get her. She got as much off she could without eating any cracker. Then she came and asked me to put some on a plate for her. I put about a tablespoon and she cleaned most of it up with her finger. I got the spoon! :) So, that is good news. Something she likes. Now I just need to find something she will drink.

I shaved the rest of her hair of before we left the hospital. Well, as much as I could with a pair of barely charged clippers. It was falling out in fistfulls and was really driving Summer crazy. She kept getting it in her mouth last night and would get so frustrated trying to pick it out. So, I decided to leave it all at the hospital. And that is what we did, a bed / floor full of hair!!! I am not pressing her to wear a hat because the normal two-year old response (or maybe this is a any age child response) is "No" to things they think you are trying to get them to do. I think she is so adorable even now with the uneven stubble that covers her head. Maybe even more so. Those big brown eyes just melt my heart, but I just hope they don't harden with all this mess we are going through. I don't want to lose my sweet, innocent little girl. But, in life we don't get to choose everything. We have to play with the hand we are dealt. Even crappy hands. No folding allowed.

She is napping. I was in there with her, but had a phone call so I came to finish this after I was done with it. I am going to try to get back in there before she wakes up. I am sure she knows I am not there though. I am enjoying all the snuggling I am getting. It makes the lack of being spoken too a little less hurtful. I know she wants me there, but I really can't help her. I can't fix everything like I want to. I just need to be there for her, giving her my love and support.

I must say life is tough. It is not fair. It is not perfect. But, no matter how hard it gets, things always end up getting better at some point. It is like a roller coaster. You go up, you go down.
And, at the end, you always want more. Well, I do anyway. :)


Susie said...

Oh Jennifer I feel for you. I know it's got to be rough on you. When this is all over and one day it will be Summer will love you even more because you was always there for her. Just hang in there and no there is always someone on your side. I'm sending lots of prayers your way.

Andrea said...

That is SO true, that statement you made about life. Sometimes life can be beautiful, and at others, it can hell. It truly is like a roller coaster. We all just have to endure to the end. It isn't easy, but it sure is worth it!
I too am sending some good thoughts to you and your family! :)
Have a great day! or try to.

Tricia said...

I wish I could be of help. I have been reading and keeping up with you guys.
This is going to be a tough time for you all, I hope with some more time it will get easier, and remember to take a few seconds for yourself, you need that too.
many hugs

lmt1073 said...

I'm still praying for you guys... I do hope she's better SOON. I understand about the roller coaster... it gets old fast!

the mol said...

Just keep on letting her know that Mommy loves her so very much. She'll need that, especially when things are hard like this.

I just thought of another thing that might work for the medicine--peer pressure. Or mommy pressure anyway. I mix my son's blood pressure medicine in ice cream and sometimes he just doesn't want it because he knows. Well this evening, I mixed it up and put it down, and then I got myself some ice cream, and sat down to eat it. He came over and took his.

So what I'm going to try when Bactrim comes up again is to use a syringe and give myself something, like juice, in the syringe, and then give him his meds. Who knows...

Stephycce said...

You are doing a wonderful job.
Hang in there and stand strong.

Kathie said...

We are always thinking and praying for you. (I know that I always say that). What someone else said is so right, she knows how much you love her and even if she can't tell you, she appreciates you for everything you are doing and for staying close! Stay strong, I know you will :-)

Bridgett said...

I find myself tearing up at every entry. Poor little Summer having to deal with so much...it's difficult for an adult to absorb. And she's only 2.

I'm so sad to hear about her hair...already. But I bet she looks just as beautiful with her stubble.

I do hope you find a food she loves that doesn't make her feel sick.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you guys.

Big hugs.