Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Taking a break

Well, I am on my "break." I never really had breaks before unless you consider my mom babysitting pretty much one night every weekend (sometimes more) a break. So, maybe I did have breaks, but they were more like nights out not coming home to take a shower and straighten up the house. I just realized the other day that when I go on a "break," all I do is eat, shower, clean and possibly go to the gym. Sometimes I do cook too. I cooked Clint some chicken the other day and also made some tuna casserole to take back to the hospital. I am thinking my next break needs to be a massage!!! Clint gave me a gift certificate for Christmas and I have yet to use it. Should I stop now and make the appointment???

Well, I'm back from my massage. Boy am I glad I decided to make that call. What a treat!! Now this was a break. I am having withdrawal from Summer though. I feel like I need to be driving to the hospital right now instead of finishing this post, but I know she won't know the difference in a few minutes.

She has just pretty much been laying on me or sleeping for the past day or so. She's watched some TV, but usually drifts in and out of sleep. I feel so bad for her. They are treating all the symptoms I told them she was having. The mouth pain and belly ache. They are probably going to start her on TPN (total parenteral nutrition) so she can get some good calories. All she had eaten when I left the hospital was a little of the bunny cupcake I got her at the bake sale this morning. I'll spare you the details of what I got myself. LOL Anyways, I am happy they are going to be easing some of her side effects at least. I think the radiation has pretty much swiped all energy from her body. Of course, the chemo is doing it too.

I am really scared of the next cycle of treatments because they say the side effects are worse. It is so hard to watch her suffer and she doesn't even really understand why. She felt fine before when she had the cancer and didn't know it. Now, she is being bombarded by medicines that make her feel like crap. Poor baby.

I have been trying to lift her spirits. I sang some of her bible songs this morning. She just listened with her thumb in her mouth. She still hasn't used the Ipod I got her, but maybe she would enjoy listening to that. I'll ask anyway. I feel like that is always what I am doing though. She rarely answers. So, maybe I should just sit there and not try to make too many suggestions??????????? ??????? I don't want to be too pushy. Who enjoys that? I am trying to find a happy median.

Well, that's about it. I'm going to jam out to some bible songs on the way back to the hospital and see if I can't find a nice tune to sing to Summer this evening. We will be in the hospital until Friday at least. Pray for us to have no temperature and for Summer to cooperate with the nurses and doctors. She was pretty good last night and today so maybe we are on an upswing in that department. They have to take her temperature like 5 times a day, plus blood pressure, plus the occasional poke and prod. Can you imagine anything more fun than that? :)

Thank you God for the small things in life!


Bridgett said...

Never feel guilty for getting out and taking a break, honey. It's very important for your physical and mental well-being too. And you have to stay healthy to be there for Summer.

So when you're out and about, tell yourself you're doing it for her. Because you are.

You know and I know and everybody knows that your life revolves around that beautiful little girl. Most importantly, Summer knows that too.

Glad you enjoyed your massage.


Stephycce said...

Breaks are good hun!
Every mommy needs a break from time to time. *hugs*

Stephanie said...

Yay for you!!!! You absolutely deserved a massage!!! Thinking of Summer tonight...hope she has a good nights rest!

the mol said...

You definitely need a break! You don't realize how tired you are until you leave the hospital. And going for a massage was a great idea, too.

It's odd that they'd do the radiation right after chemo instead of waiting for her to bounce back a bit, but maybe they want to attack this that much harder.

TPN is good stuff although it looks totally weird. Maybe you can tell her that she's getting milkshakes and slushies, because that's what it looks like.

Hugs from us!

Tiffany said...

I'm still here and still praying for Summer. Hope you enjoyed your massage.